It seems ironic....
I, as well, had a bit of a downer two days. Nothing bad happened, just hit with facts of life that seem so ironic and not right. I just don't get it.
First, I was inducted into an honors society last night...I may make the grades, but I am not mature enough because I laughed the whole way through...especially when we had to light a candle, say a pledge and then blow out the candle. Why do the make everything so cheesy?? Anyways, on to the ironics of life....
I went over to some girls house from school to watch the AU game with some fellow AU fans, and here I was sitting with a bunch of girls who seem to be happy. They are okay with being at home sometimes by themselves, they seem to have tons of friends, seem to be in relationships (one is about to get married) but they are also fine with getting drunk on the weekends, sleeping with multiple partners in their life time, going to strip clubs, and one (who actually wasn't there, but hangs out with us sometimes) is fine with cheating on her husband. Their life seems to be moving at an appropriate pace, making progress with school, jobs, relationships, ect... and here I am STUCK.
I know that if I had to choose, I would NEVER chose their lifestyle because I know that they
probably aren't happy deep down and in reality, they are living in their "heaven" now...and I know that I have a hope and a future with the most amazing KING ever, but nontheless...sometimes it is just plain hard to be a Christian in this world. I am so alone. I have battled lonliness like non-other this week. I get tired of going places by myself. Of coming home everyday and night to an empty house. Of not having any companions. I know that I have friends...I have you guys, I have Nicolette and Cullan, I have others...but I don't have companions. I don't have anyone to show when I get my hair recolored (which I did this week and it is much darker) or to call and tell a funny. I don't have anyone to come support me when I get inducted into an honor's society or go to a Friday night football game with. I have some friends here, but like mentioned before, most of them are married...and frankly, I am tired of being the 3rd, 5th, 7th, 9th wheel. And then with Nic...it's so different now that she has Ollie. I rejoice with her blessings in her life, but sometimes I just need my single, non-mommy friend back. And my one good real friend at church is leaving me this Sunday. He is moving away. I am so sad.
Why is being a single Christian girl so stinking hard sometimes??
My cousin and I had a long talk today...thank God for her in my life...and she and I agree that ever since I have moved here there has been a spirit of opression over me. I can feel it. I fight it everyday...and somedays it just gets so thick that I feel that I can't breath...but for some reason, God has placed me here. I am holding on... I KNOW He will not fail me. I am being prunned, refined, strengthened....but I am tired. I am ready to leave. I am ready for the next step please Lord. But like Amy has been blogging about... I just keep getting WAIT. So, I will wait.
I watched "The Lakehouse" again tonight...and again, I was encouraged that the timing just might not be right...that he might be the one for me....the timing is just not right. Oh, how I hope that is true. I think he is amazing...I look at all these other guys I see, and none compare. But then, I know that this is just my little girl fantasy mind playing tricks on me. He won't even respond to an email I wrote him last week. Oh Lord, help me here too!
Anyways, I seem to ramble too long and be too down when I take this silly medicine the Dr. gave me to help me sleep while dealing with this virus that I have/had. Thank goodness, I am basically over it, but I had some extra medicine and I haven't been sleeping well this week because of the abundance of school I have had, so I took some. It's good stuff.
Please pardon my self pity. It just helps to write sometimes, to get it all out.
I am praying for you all! Love ya'll!
First, I was inducted into an honors society last night...I may make the grades, but I am not mature enough because I laughed the whole way through...especially when we had to light a candle, say a pledge and then blow out the candle. Why do the make everything so cheesy?? Anyways, on to the ironics of life....
I went over to some girls house from school to watch the AU game with some fellow AU fans, and here I was sitting with a bunch of girls who seem to be happy. They are okay with being at home sometimes by themselves, they seem to have tons of friends, seem to be in relationships (one is about to get married) but they are also fine with getting drunk on the weekends, sleeping with multiple partners in their life time, going to strip clubs, and one (who actually wasn't there, but hangs out with us sometimes) is fine with cheating on her husband. Their life seems to be moving at an appropriate pace, making progress with school, jobs, relationships, ect... and here I am STUCK.
I know that if I had to choose, I would NEVER chose their lifestyle because I know that they
probably aren't happy deep down and in reality, they are living in their "heaven" now...and I know that I have a hope and a future with the most amazing KING ever, but nontheless...sometimes it is just plain hard to be a Christian in this world. I am so alone. I have battled lonliness like non-other this week. I get tired of going places by myself. Of coming home everyday and night to an empty house. Of not having any companions. I know that I have friends...I have you guys, I have Nicolette and Cullan, I have others...but I don't have companions. I don't have anyone to show when I get my hair recolored (which I did this week and it is much darker) or to call and tell a funny. I don't have anyone to come support me when I get inducted into an honor's society or go to a Friday night football game with. I have some friends here, but like mentioned before, most of them are married...and frankly, I am tired of being the 3rd, 5th, 7th, 9th wheel. And then with Nic...it's so different now that she has Ollie. I rejoice with her blessings in her life, but sometimes I just need my single, non-mommy friend back. And my one good real friend at church is leaving me this Sunday. He is moving away. I am so sad.
Why is being a single Christian girl so stinking hard sometimes??
My cousin and I had a long talk today...thank God for her in my life...and she and I agree that ever since I have moved here there has been a spirit of opression over me. I can feel it. I fight it everyday...and somedays it just gets so thick that I feel that I can't breath...but for some reason, God has placed me here. I am holding on... I KNOW He will not fail me. I am being prunned, refined, strengthened....but I am tired. I am ready to leave. I am ready for the next step please Lord. But like Amy has been blogging about... I just keep getting WAIT. So, I will wait.
I watched "The Lakehouse" again tonight...and again, I was encouraged that the timing just might not be right...that he might be the one for me....the timing is just not right. Oh, how I hope that is true. I think he is amazing...I look at all these other guys I see, and none compare. But then, I know that this is just my little girl fantasy mind playing tricks on me. He won't even respond to an email I wrote him last week. Oh Lord, help me here too!
Anyways, I seem to ramble too long and be too down when I take this silly medicine the Dr. gave me to help me sleep while dealing with this virus that I have/had. Thank goodness, I am basically over it, but I had some extra medicine and I haven't been sleeping well this week because of the abundance of school I have had, so I took some. It's good stuff.
Please pardon my self pity. It just helps to write sometimes, to get it all out.
I am praying for you all! Love ya'll!
posted by JOY at 9:04 PM
1 Comments:
Hey Joy Joy -
Girl, I feel your pain in the areas you and I have talked about. I've told God this week I'm sick of that word, the "W" word. I agree with your cousin about the spirit of oppression. I'll be glad when you can leave T'town, but honestly I believe God wants to show you freedom and victory over this while you're still there. THEN the door will open for you to move. I am praying for you to have companions. You should go to one of the campus ministries. I think my girl Shelley goes to BCM and RUF (by the way - the RUF minister there is 30, single, and WAY cute & smart).
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