Pressed upon my heart....
Lately, i have not had the urge to blog or share because I feel that what i have been learning is for me and so personal...and honestly, it's something that I want to cling to for my own, but, it has been pressed upon my heart to share just a little.
I too, like Amy, have been getting a lot out of Donald Miller's books...well Blue Like Jazz in particular. I don't agree with everything he says, but I feel as if God is using it to really speak to me. I don't know how to explain that. But I feel as if I am reading it at the right time and God is using this book to speak to my heart. I have also been studying Romans along with it. I have not been deligent in my quiet times for the past several months, but the past two weeks, God has given me a hunger to steal away with Him and amazingly He has given me a two hour window each day. It has been wonderful...but i have also felt very challenged these past two weeks, in my thinking and just with things in my life. I have also felt a little pulled and tested.
The main thing that I feel as if God has been teaching me through these past two weeks is that He is much bigger than I allow him to be in my life. Everytime I complain or wish or get caught up in my self-pity, I am discrediting Him and His power in my life. I am HIS child, and He loves me. I have to choose to accept that love and love Him back instead of wish for things that I don't have.
I think we are all in the same place. None of us absolutely LOVE our jobs...most of us girls thought and wish that we would have "someone special" in our lives by now...most of us are unsure about what is next...or are not satisfied with something about ourselves, ect. ect...and I feel that everytime I really complain about that, that I am telling God He doesn't know what He is doing and that His plan for me isn't right and that He doesn't have the power to work things out in my life. But He DOES know what He is doing and I can't even begin to imagine the power He has. I want His power and love to run freely through me...but I so often put limits on it by my complaints or self-pity.
I struggle with these desires in my heart girls and Danny. I struggle with being so lonely here in Tuscaloosa. I struggle almost daily financially. I struggle with constantly pouring out into others and not getting fed myself. It is so easy for me to get so down here and "Bla" but God wants me to be so ALIVE. It's all a chose. How we handle any situation or feeling is a chose. Will we choose to get down and depressed or angry or upset, or will we chose to glorify God for the blessings and trials. Because "we should rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been POURED INTO OUR HEARTS through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Rms. 5:3-5) Our God is so good and He promises to never fail us. Why do we, ME in particular, feel that He has forgotten us? Again, His power and love is much bigger than we allow Him to be.
I use we loosly, for lack of better words, not conclusively to the readers of this blog.
Anyways, I don't know if any of you care. Just felt like I needed to share a little about what I have been learning.
I will end with a few quotes from Blue Like Jazz
"...believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is like making a decision. Love is both something that happens to you and something you decide upon."
"What I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do."
"The most difficult lie I have ever contended with is this: Life is a story about me." THIS one really hit hard this week.
"I don't think there is any better worship than wonder."
I too, like Amy, have been getting a lot out of Donald Miller's books...well Blue Like Jazz in particular. I don't agree with everything he says, but I feel as if God is using it to really speak to me. I don't know how to explain that. But I feel as if I am reading it at the right time and God is using this book to speak to my heart. I have also been studying Romans along with it. I have not been deligent in my quiet times for the past several months, but the past two weeks, God has given me a hunger to steal away with Him and amazingly He has given me a two hour window each day. It has been wonderful...but i have also felt very challenged these past two weeks, in my thinking and just with things in my life. I have also felt a little pulled and tested.
The main thing that I feel as if God has been teaching me through these past two weeks is that He is much bigger than I allow him to be in my life. Everytime I complain or wish or get caught up in my self-pity, I am discrediting Him and His power in my life. I am HIS child, and He loves me. I have to choose to accept that love and love Him back instead of wish for things that I don't have.
I think we are all in the same place. None of us absolutely LOVE our jobs...most of us girls thought and wish that we would have "someone special" in our lives by now...most of us are unsure about what is next...or are not satisfied with something about ourselves, ect. ect...and I feel that everytime I really complain about that, that I am telling God He doesn't know what He is doing and that His plan for me isn't right and that He doesn't have the power to work things out in my life. But He DOES know what He is doing and I can't even begin to imagine the power He has. I want His power and love to run freely through me...but I so often put limits on it by my complaints or self-pity.
I struggle with these desires in my heart girls and Danny. I struggle with being so lonely here in Tuscaloosa. I struggle almost daily financially. I struggle with constantly pouring out into others and not getting fed myself. It is so easy for me to get so down here and "Bla" but God wants me to be so ALIVE. It's all a chose. How we handle any situation or feeling is a chose. Will we choose to get down and depressed or angry or upset, or will we chose to glorify God for the blessings and trials. Because "we should rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been POURED INTO OUR HEARTS through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Rms. 5:3-5) Our God is so good and He promises to never fail us. Why do we, ME in particular, feel that He has forgotten us? Again, His power and love is much bigger than we allow Him to be.
I use we loosly, for lack of better words, not conclusively to the readers of this blog.
Anyways, I don't know if any of you care. Just felt like I needed to share a little about what I have been learning.
I will end with a few quotes from Blue Like Jazz
"...believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is like making a decision. Love is both something that happens to you and something you decide upon."
"What I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do."
"The most difficult lie I have ever contended with is this: Life is a story about me." THIS one really hit hard this week.
"I don't think there is any better worship than wonder."
posted by JOY at 8:44 PM
1 Comments:
thanks so much for your honesty in this blog joy. i relate so much to everything you said, and it is so encouraging and butt-kicking and exciting and hopeful all wrapped into one in my head right now. thank you.
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