A God stop of today!!

First, thanks Beth M. for the coining of that experience and for making me think of them more!
I am excited to do one of her studies again! I hopefully will start one at church with the women in October.

On to my God stop...
I spent some time with my Kim and her two girls, Kiera and Alexis, (the Kim I mentor, not Dallie Kate's mom)...well Kiera's birthday is tomorrow and they were having a little party for her at Kim's house. After lunch, Kim wanted me to take her to Wal-Mart to pick up the cake and things for the party. I am really short on money these days, and I want Kim to learn how to pay for things, so I made sure she had some money. Her mom gave her an EBT card, which she said had about $40 on it and a $20 bill. I knew that wouldn't be enough and just decided to pay for the rest. Well, when we got to the check out, the card of course did not have ANY money on it and I had to end up paying for it all.....$122 of it. I was slightly panicing, but kept a cheerful face for Kim. After dropping Kim and the girls off, I whinned, complained and fretted because I don't have $122 to spend on Kiera's birthday. I even sinned some today...got caught up in my self-pity and rebelled a little....
WELL tonight, my roommate and her boyfriend called me saying they got some mail for me (at his house, because that is where I used to live....I know it is all crazy and weird) and she said she would bring it by our house to give it to me. I told her I would meet her there because I needed to pay her my rent for the month. I opened the mail and guess what it was... a check for $116!!!! It was a refund check from a Dr's office...the Dr. happens to go to my church and he found out that I paid a bill and he said he wasn't going to charge me for medical bills. YEAH GOD!!!

Want to know what the best part of it all is...besides that our Father IS faithful and He WILL provide, is that He does all of that despite my sin and selfish, childish behavior. Why?? Because He LOVES me and i am His beloved! Thank you sweet Father!

Hope that was a little encouraging.

It seems ironic....

I, as well, had a bit of a downer two days. Nothing bad happened, just hit with facts of life that seem so ironic and not right. I just don't get it.

First, I was inducted into an honors society last night...I may make the grades, but I am not mature enough because I laughed the whole way through...especially when we had to light a candle, say a pledge and then blow out the candle. Why do the make everything so cheesy?? Anyways, on to the ironics of life....

I went over to some girls house from school to watch the AU game with some fellow AU fans, and here I was sitting with a bunch of girls who seem to be happy. They are okay with being at home sometimes by themselves, they seem to have tons of friends, seem to be in relationships (one is about to get married) but they are also fine with getting drunk on the weekends, sleeping with multiple partners in their life time, going to strip clubs, and one (who actually wasn't there, but hangs out with us sometimes) is fine with cheating on her husband. Their life seems to be moving at an appropriate pace, making progress with school, jobs, relationships, ect... and here I am STUCK.

I know that if I had to choose, I would NEVER chose their lifestyle because I know that they
probably aren't happy deep down and in reality, they are living in their "heaven" now...and I know that I have a hope and a future with the most amazing KING ever, but nontheless...sometimes it is just plain hard to be a Christian in this world. I am so alone. I have battled lonliness like non-other this week. I get tired of going places by myself. Of coming home everyday and night to an empty house. Of not having any companions. I know that I have friends...I have you guys, I have Nicolette and Cullan, I have others...but I don't have companions. I don't have anyone to show when I get my hair recolored (which I did this week and it is much darker) or to call and tell a funny. I don't have anyone to come support me when I get inducted into an honor's society or go to a Friday night football game with. I have some friends here, but like mentioned before, most of them are married...and frankly, I am tired of being the 3rd, 5th, 7th, 9th wheel. And then with Nic...it's so different now that she has Ollie. I rejoice with her blessings in her life, but sometimes I just need my single, non-mommy friend back. And my one good real friend at church is leaving me this Sunday. He is moving away. I am so sad.

Why is being a single Christian girl so stinking hard sometimes??

My cousin and I had a long talk today...thank God for her in my life...and she and I agree that ever since I have moved here there has been a spirit of opression over me. I can feel it. I fight it everyday...and somedays it just gets so thick that I feel that I can't breath...but for some reason, God has placed me here. I am holding on... I KNOW He will not fail me. I am being prunned, refined, strengthened....but I am tired. I am ready to leave. I am ready for the next step please Lord. But like Amy has been blogging about... I just keep getting WAIT. So, I will wait.

I watched "The Lakehouse" again tonight...and again, I was encouraged that the timing just might not be right...that he might be the one for me....the timing is just not right. Oh, how I hope that is true. I think he is amazing...I look at all these other guys I see, and none compare. But then, I know that this is just my little girl fantasy mind playing tricks on me. He won't even respond to an email I wrote him last week. Oh Lord, help me here too!

Anyways, I seem to ramble too long and be too down when I take this silly medicine the Dr. gave me to help me sleep while dealing with this virus that I have/had. Thank goodness, I am basically over it, but I had some extra medicine and I haven't been sleeping well this week because of the abundance of school I have had, so I took some. It's good stuff.

Please pardon my self pity. It just helps to write sometimes, to get it all out.

I am praying for you all! Love ya'll!

a good night!

-Dinner--great! some Fox's Pizza hit the spot--rather tastey! Way to go Les on that one!

-Fellowship--fun! it was fun to see Les and Chris again, even if there was a bit of an akward moment at the concert...but thankfully it passed and the two parties are both boys so they don't think about things being as akward as girls!

-Friends--wonderful! Like mentioned above, it is always fun to be with those that I love and Les and Chris are making semi-regular apperances in my life these days, which I LOVE...plus it was good to see Lindsey, Jennilyn, and Benji-boo again. (Amy, you and Jennifer should have come too. I missed seeing y'all)

-Shane & Shane--FANTASTIC!! their new songs are great, especially the one about Galations 3:13. I can't wait till their new CD comes out. Plus I just LOVE to watch them worship. You can really tell that their hearts are full of love and joy and pure worship for our Saviour. The worship tonight was amazing...hit the spot for my soul and heart. Plus Shane B. is looking cuter these days...he is single! Introduce us God!!! =)

-God's presence--Priceless...and much needed! Thank you Lord!

I hope you all have a great week!

Love and Prayers!

I don't understand sometimes....

I have a mix of emotions these days. Some happy, some funny, some sad, some frustrated, some annnoyed, and some just bla! And I am so tired. But I know God is working...it is just hard to sit still sometimes and listen to Him or even to not ask "WHY" sometimes.

Another teenager died from around here yesterday. During church actually. We called his steo-mom to let her hear our prayers for him and he passed away. I got the calls from his step-mom late Saturday night because I was babysitting and she kept calling trying to get in touch with Liz, whose house I was at. It was sad. He just turned 15 and has been batteling with cancer for a long time. Even though it is good that he is not suffereing now and we can rejoice that he is finally HOME, it is still sad. I look at the majority of my youth, which are 15 year olds, and I get so sad. They are so precious. I would hate to lose one of them. Which is my emotions of sadness, and frustration. Things at church have been better, but again last night I felt like I was slapped in the face. I am sad about leaving here soon, but then moments like last night and I can't wait to leave. But on the other hand, we had a really good youth service where two of my girls opened up about the fear of loosing their mom soon. That broke my heart. And then one of my dearest friends here in Tuscaloosa is leaving me. I am SO excited about the opportunity before him. It would be so stupid of him not to take it...and he needs to get away, but selfishly I want him here to be my friend and my support and encourager in my church. I feel as though I am about to loose a dear friend. That is sad. But that is life. And then I have this other friend who I SO long to hear from and I try to communicate with him, but he just doesn't respond. Or if he does, it's at random times and weird. I struggle with what he is to be in my life. It's hard.

My computer keeps acting up. Maybe that is my sign for QUITE WHINNING!!! It's just one of those days. ...sorry. And i am procrastinating from doing school work. I have a lot of that this week and I just can't get motivated to start on it!

On to the good things...and feelings.
~I got a raise at church...NOT much, but these days anything helps.
~I have decided for sure to apply to Seminary and am starting that process slowly but surely.
~I was encouraged by Amy and Laura's last post! One from Amy's, that I need to not be so selfish and from Laura's that God is listening!!! I also enjoyed Les's story of your and Amy's adventure!
~I get to see Shane and Shane in concert this week!

I've got a bobo story that was pretty funny (at least if you were there)...we are taking church directory pictures this week and yesterday I was helping with that. They are in the gym and I wanted a water out of the coke machine. There are two machines next to each other. So, i put my dollar in one machine and pushed water, but of course it was sold out. So, i pushed coin return so I could get my $ and put it in the other machine for a diet coke. Well, instead of giving me 4 quarters, the machine decided to give me a dollar in NICKELS!! The gym was packed with people from the church and here i am at the coke machine that won't stop spitting coins at me!! It sounded like I just won the lottery!! Oh how I wish I had instead of a dollar in quarters!! Everyone laughed.... BOBO coke machine!

Well, my thoughts are jumbled and not coming out well and I need to get on to my school work. I just needed to write a minute...to clear my head.

I hope you are all well. I will see some of you soon. We need to have another weekend together soon.
Love ya'll!

bobo virus!

This stupid virus that some of us have seem to have contracted SUCKS!!!! I feel HORRIBLE. I went to the doctor today and she told me that everyone is getting it and antibotics don't seem to be helping, that I just have to let it run it's course. Well, it is miserable. My head feels like it is about to explode! I can't hear because my hears are so full and my chest is starting to feel like a 10 ton elephant is sitting on it! Not to mention that I have literally used about two boxes of kleenexes in two days because my nose has turned into a faucet and I can't stop sneezing! She did give me some decongestion medicine and some codine for my head and cough...and my finger, which she is making me wear a splint for. Silly.

Even though we seem to be passing this BOBO virus among us, I must say I have really enjoyed seeing most of you for TWO weekends in a row! I miss you guys and love when we get to visit...even if it is for a few hours or a couple of days! I am praying for you all this week!

Oh--I know most of you girls feel in love with Sarah Groves a long time ago, but I have just been introduced to her and man....her songs are hitting me and encouraging me where I need it. Especially the one that says... "all I have needed, His hand WILL provide." What a word...WILL. There's sweet hope in that word. I just finished "i am not, but i know I AM" and it was good...moving on to "searching for God and who knows what." All good things. Thank you for introducing me to them! I love to hear God in these new songs and books, and more so to watch Him grow and shine through each of you!!!

Hope you all have a blessed week!
Love!

update on the problem....

i called my roommate today, who doesn't live here anymore...and i haven't seen in weeks, but she still lives in town.....anyways, i called her to let her know that yep, there is definetly a big pile of toilet paper and what else in the yard. Granted it is more in the neighbors yard, i wanted to be on the safe side. everything is still flushing here, but you never know with sewage problems...they can be tricky. trust me, i know by now.
anyways, she left me a note saying that she thinks the problem is mainly at the neighbors house. i pray it is. but still, that's gross. the big pile is still there...just collecting in the front yard. please pray with me that it doesn't effect our house. i REALLY can't afford it right now.

oh--and i know why out-of-shape UNathletic youth ministers always sit and watch their youth play dodgeball instead of play with them. I have played once before but stunk at it, but was in a playful mood tonight so decided to join in the game. BAD BAD BAD idea!!! First, the youth have NO mercy on me and pelted me with the balls. I know I will have bruises all over my back and sides tomorrow, plus I got my finger jammed BAD. it is already double the size of my other fingers and black and blue. i don't think it is broken because i can bend it, but man it hurts so bad. that sucks. i think i retired tonight of dodgeball. we shall see.

God is good. in case you didn't know. i have been a little worried again with finances and little things...and He blessed me with someone giving me a little gift of money tonight. they said it was because they didn't feel like they paid me enough the first time, but i assured them they did, and they still instited i take it. God is good to me. He looks after me. Thanks God for the sweet gift tonight! Also, I had a pretty good chat with my pastor about the way things have been going at church and bla bla bla. i felt pretty good about it...and i shared some of my thoughts about what is next for me. surprisingly, he was very encouraging and supportive for once. it was nice.

i hope you are all well and i hope to see several, if not all, of you this weekend. who is planning on going to AU???

love and prayers

B-O-B-O sewage!!!

You guys would NOT believe this....well actually with my luck, you probably would.
I think...and I stress and pray that it is only a thought....that my sewage is messed up at my new place of residence. I was in the front yard today and it looked like there was a BIG pile of toliet paper inbetween my duplex and the one I am connected with. It actually looks closer to their house, and my toilets are working fine.....BUT if it is a problem at either of our houses, I am sure we share the same line since we basically share everything else.
WHAT DO I DO???? And why do I attrack these kinds of problems?? I honestly CAN NOT afford something to be wrong. With time and money.
I'll update you guys when I know more.
Anyone going to AU this weekend? I AM!!!! Let's get together. And PLEASE let me know if you are going to AU and especially if you don't have a ticket so we can go somewhere and watch it together.
night night...pray my sewage doesn't explode on me again.

My weekend....

I feel the urge to do some bullets like Amy does...they seem so fun! Well, that and I am procrastinating from school work. Man, it is OVER WHELMING me!!! So here they go....the bullets that is...

-First, how do you make the dot for the bullets???
-I have spent ALL afternoon writing this paper about my racial identity and my racial biases...could someone explain that to me...cause I just wrote a paper about it and I don't know what mine are!!! =)
-I have only about 30 more chapters of reading to do before this week.
-I "teen sat" all weekend. It was fine.
-It was GREAT to be out of my house for the weekend. I don't know why, but I just don't like being there... I suppose it's because I am there all alone....not too fun
-On of my youth, who I "teen sat" for this weekend, asked me why I don't have any friends....haha...I just had to laugh as my response. I guess that is sad, that others notice that I don't have many friends here in this town....but surprisingly, I was OK with that this weekend.
-Another time with Keaton, he asked me if I was ever going to get married...again, I just had to laugh as my response. Oh man, I don't know. I told him I hoped so and then asked him if he thought I would. He said "Yeah, and you should because you seem to know a lot about life and reltionships and stuff!" haha..again, i laughed.
-I got another suggestion about me going to seminary this weekend. That is two from people who didn't know I have been praying about it. What do you guys think?? Maybe God is telling me something.... I just have some reservations and fears.
-Chris, Keaton's brother, the other one I "teen sat" for just went at got TCBY without me....how rude!!! =)
-I realized this weekend how much I miss AU FOOTBALL!!! I know that I grew up an Alabama fan and still like them (WHEN the are not playing AU) but as I sat at the game, I realized that it is NO WHERE near the same as some AUBURN FOOTBALL!!!! OH how I wanted to be there. Let's plan a game to all go tailgating together!!!! PLEASE!
-I am excited about the beach this weekend!!! YEAH! I am more excited about getting to spend some time with you girls...sorry D--no boys allowed!!
-I am about to go to a cook-out with all married couples....fun! I don't know if I will be able to control my excitment...but hey, at least it is free food!

Well, that's all I have for now. Back to the paper and then away to the cook-out.
Hope you are all well! I will see some of you VERY soon!!! YEA!
Love and prayers~